Why does it have to change?

marriage - it can be a love or horror story, but somehow, you always hear more about the latter.  being a recently engaged person, i am not what you call a typical blushing bride.  first off, i'm in love with my fiancee, no doubt about it, but am i counting the days down until we get married?  not really - hell i still haven't even set the date after 6 months of being engaged.  i see spending my life with this person, but i'm just not your typical female.  first off, i don't care for a big wedding.  hell, i'm still deciding if i even want a wedding or would just stop in a municiple court and get married.  its not like i don't want to celebrate my marriage - i just don't want to spend the wads of money to host a wedding, reception and so on.  hell, i don't even need a bridal shower since i have practically have everything that i need.  i'm definitely up for a bachelorette party, but more in the sense of taking an all girl's trip to someplace fun (no strip club for me). 

but the thing that really worries about me is the horror stories that i hear from people.  "after 10 years of being together, they divorced a year after they got married."  "things always change after you get married"

first off - why the hell do things have to change?  i feel like i'm already married with all the sacrifices that we both have done for one another, but that is part that scares me the most.  everyone tells me that it changes.  why?  i want it to be the same - i want our relationship to be exactly the same.  everyone says "it's a deeper meaning" blah blah blah.  i don't understand this need for people to make it sound like it's not a serious relationship unless you get married. 

A mutual friend just got engaged last week and she already set the date!  now everyone is looking at me wondering why i haven't.  this is really going to sound horrible, but it's just not a top priority for me right now.  i would rather concentrate on purchasing a home than planning a wedding.  i know we are going to be w/ each other forever (unless one of us kills the other person first) therefore i don't feel the need to worry. 

sometimes i think those people who've been together for 20+ years w/o ever getting married might have the right idea - why fix what's not broken?

Parental Guidance

it has become a wide spread phenomenon that many parents do not live with their kids, but instead, have them live w/ their grandparents while they live in their loft, townhome, or apartment.  call me crazy - but WTF is that?  when has it become acceptable for parents not to live with their kids - unless of course, they have a drug habit to which they are trying to overcome or any other extenuating circumstances.  but seriously, that is the one thing that i can not stand, people who don't take care of their kids and expect their parents to raise them.  i've encountered numerous people like this, in fact, some are really close friends whom i try not to judge them based on that decision

i just find it completely selfish.  true, i'm about as selfish as they get, hence why i don't have kids, but once you have kids, aren't you suppose to sacrifice for them?  i mean, i hear all sorts of reasons: 

1. i live too far from my parents to drop them off everyday before i go to work so it's just easier that they live with them on the weekdays
2. because of my job, i'm never home so it's better that they still w/ my parents (mind you the job is not some white collar job that requires you to travel, but a party promotion gig)
3. he/she prefers to live with my parents than me

here are my rebuttals for those excuses

1. well, live closer to your parents!  you should sacrifice your convenience to live w/ your kids
2. find a job that allows you to stay at home w/ your kids and not jetting off to cali or NY to promote club parties!
3. they are your kids - who gives a crap who they prefer?  if you're my kid, you're going to live with me - that's the end of the story

seriously, why even have kids if you don't want to live with them?  and the sad part - these are not your typical early teen mothers, these are women in their late twenties or early thirties doing this!  i know it's not my place to say anything, but i get so irritated when i hear them complain about how the fathers don't care of their kids, yet they don't even live with their kids!

ok - i'm done venting now.

my last semester, i graduated with a 4.0!  so overall, i was 0.03 away from graduating with summa cum laude - that sucks!  but hey, i'm finally done so who am i to complain?

drama over the weekend

one of my good friends called me crying hysterically because it turned out that her husband physically hurt her.  they got into an argument about something utterly ridiculous and he pretty much attacked her by grabbing her hair and pulling her to the floor so he can pin her down - all of this in front of their 2 kids.  we ended up going to the house so she could grab clothes for herself and her kids and it was pretty intense.  there is absolutely no right for anyone to lay a hand on another person (unless its parent and child to discipline) but there are some issues that do need to be raised if anyone is ever caught in this type of situation.  even though i whole-heartedly believe abuse is wrong, everyone does have their breaking point

1. if the girl hits the guy - how do you expect for him to react?  male or female - you should never lay your hand on your signficant other (trust me - i know girls that punch their man when they're pissed)
2. if the person that you're arguing with consistently asked that you leave them alone - don't push it!  don't keep nagging the person or screaming at the person.  you can't expect to get in someone's face all the time and for that person not to react
3. if you don't know how to leave well enough alone - sorry to say, but you're just asking for it. 

i don't believe people deserve to be hit, but i do believe that people want to push other people's buttons without realizing the consequences.  this couple fights all the time and they honestly don't know how to fight w/ one another.  they have been together for 10+ years and still don't know how to hold a conversation that doesn't involve cursing and yelling.  i know my friend and i love her, but i can also see her pushing him to the brink of no return.  of course she doesn't deserve it, but she also doesn't know when to let things go either. 

either case, there is no respect in that relationship and i do think they need to separate.  i will never tell her that because it's her choice, but honestly, i think in the end they will just get back together.  its never ending.  what i feel really bad for are the kids involved.  i would hate for them to grow up thinking this is what a family is.

so i'm about to graduate right?  i know how boring and long graduation ceremonies are so i tried to figure out the procession of the ceremony to estimate when i "actually" will be walking so they can limit their time there as much as possible.  well, i come to find out a "good" friend will not be attending at all according to her husband.  maybe i'm being petty, but i think it's shitty that i hear this from her husband and not from her herself (i emailed both about the graduation).  her husband says that she needs to go to a wedding (on a sunday?  much less sunday morning?) which i think is a load of crap.  yes, i'm upset because i make it a point to attend all her events; graduation, bdays, etc.  i mean, i buy her kids' birthday gifts even though i don't have any of my own - you would think it would dawn on her that i think highly of her to get her kids something. 

now the question is - should i reconsider our friendship?  not like i hate her or anything, but i am hurt and maybe i'm thinking too highly of our friendship when it seems obvious that she doesn't feel the same way.  it just dawned on me that out of all the years that i got her a bday gift, i don't recall her getting me anything. 

friendship is about give and take, just like any normal relationship.  i expect guys to take things for granted (no offense), but i think females are more sensitive to this kind of thing. 

wow - this is the first time in a really long time that i'm acting all freaking sensitive like a girl

i'm such a procastinator!  i have a paper due in a week and i still haven't even started on it.  yes, it might sound like i'm a complete nerd, but i was suppose to be writing this paper ALL semester long so yes, i'm in panick mode right now.

you know in your 20s, birthdays were such a huge event that we went all out for.  fancy dinner, extravagant gifts, then out to the clubs.  not unheard of to spend $200-$250 just for that one event. times that by like 7 to 10 and we are talking a shit load of money.  of course, when you're in your early 20s - most still lived at home and that wasn't a big deal.  now as you're nearing your 30s, you start realizing that you've gotta be more careful with your money.  time to start saving for a house, if you got kids - gotta make sure they are well provided for. 

so many of my friends have gotten married, nearly all have kids, but these events are starting to put a real dent in my pockets. 

wedding / engagement:  you got the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, than the wedding.  i've been a bridesmaid twice now and let me tell you, you've gotta have some serious dough if you want to be part of the wedding!  even if you're not part of the wedding, people go so crazy w/ their bachelorette party having it in Vegas, Cozumel, whatever. 

family life aka kids:  if you're a single gal w/ no kids and ALL your friends got kids - sometimes 2, this can truly be a drain on your pockets.  there is always a bday event every month, if not two.  and kids nowadays, especially boys - they want the xbox and playstation video games

so what happens when you have no kids and no marriage in the future - do you ever get anything?  seriously, there are like maybe 2 other single friends (with no kids) and we all want to celebrate the fact that we didn't marry the wrong guy or got knocked up when we were young - LOL. *yes i got this thought from sex in the city, but it's sooo true!